Got started on the manga-ka biz just for the hell of it. Damn, the story's way too easy to pull off, it's the details I'm worried about. And also, there's this thing I'm concerned about my writing, since it's been a while since I've done so, I may have some plot holes every now and then. Story discrepancies. I might not get the plot flow right on the first try.
Hell, it's the first try, you know. Everybody falls on the first jump.
I still don't know if I'll still pursue that former career. I said to myself that that was the last time that I was gonna do it due to the best home-to-work proximity range I had and the ease of access to whatever, yet I find myself clueless as to what other long-term move I'd be getting. Practicality states that I should give it one more try in order for my cash flow to somewhat stabilize, but the question is for how long I should keep up with it. Will it be until I get enough money again to study and become a person professing some thing that I don't practice, or do I just bum out until a miracle comes?
Damn. Would it sedate my hesitation, or inflame me and make me stall? I'm running out of options here, and considering that I'm also in a huge struggle against this writer's block, I'm screwed for the meantime.
I hate to depend on Lady Luck, but I don't wanna gamble on a Minesweeper bomb either. Come on, Kajiren, make up your damn mind, before somebody else dictates stuff for you. Step back from the ledge, my friend.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Scattered Bottles, Dirty Floor
Gotta start off with this year with a bang, they say.
Welcome, 2010! Welcome to the dawning of a new, uhm, what's new anyway? It's still the same ol' everyday, no biggie. The same DoTA, the same drinking partners, the same ota people... I wish the fireworks next New Year become nuclear! Hah. That would stir up an international convention or two.
Don't mind me, I'm used to me too. All this talk about apathy, destruction and suffering will numb your senses sooner than you think. Believe me, I've been mushy before, and as I clearly remember, it didn't last long. I had to attend apathy classes again to rid me of that Care-Bear feeling.
It's nice to see that there's like two more years before the so-called Mayan planet death thing. I'm getting excited already (not)! I mean, who in the world would love seeing their home turf die out on them? I ain't superstitious or religious or anything, but if there were signs of unexplained global instability showing up, then that would only mean that everybody's gonna panic, pray, lock themselves up inside a bomb shelter (for the nth time, e.g. Y2K), commit suicide (you'll never catch me alive, motherf*cker!), and do other stupid stuff.
If it does happen (which is in my own honest opinion, never in this lifetime), then you'd see me having a relaxing stroll in the park, smoking my Reds, enjoying the liveliness of the entire populace, and watching them run for their lives. I might pick up an FHM December 2012 International Edition containing Sena Ayanami as Our Lady of The Apocalypse of the Month. Who knows? There might even be an End-of-Days Clearance Sale in Glorietta when the time comes.
And then I wake up. I'm back in this mundane world. I don't care about when the world will expire, all I care about is how to make an impact while the world is not yet doomed.
The sun is up, but I want more.
Bang.
The Daily Dud
Oh yeah. Char's gonna get it now.
Listening to:
Hatebreed - Destroy Everything
Last watched:
South Park - The List
Make/Break Your Day Quote:
Welcome, 2010! Welcome to the dawning of a new, uhm, what's new anyway? It's still the same ol' everyday, no biggie. The same DoTA, the same drinking partners, the same ota people... I wish the fireworks next New Year become nuclear! Hah. That would stir up an international convention or two.
Don't mind me, I'm used to me too. All this talk about apathy, destruction and suffering will numb your senses sooner than you think. Believe me, I've been mushy before, and as I clearly remember, it didn't last long. I had to attend apathy classes again to rid me of that Care-Bear feeling.
It's nice to see that there's like two more years before the so-called Mayan planet death thing. I'm getting excited already (not)! I mean, who in the world would love seeing their home turf die out on them? I ain't superstitious or religious or anything, but if there were signs of unexplained global instability showing up, then that would only mean that everybody's gonna panic, pray, lock themselves up inside a bomb shelter (for the nth time, e.g. Y2K), commit suicide (you'll never catch me alive, motherf*cker!), and do other stupid stuff.
If it does happen (which is in my own honest opinion, never in this lifetime), then you'd see me having a relaxing stroll in the park, smoking my Reds, enjoying the liveliness of the entire populace, and watching them run for their lives. I might pick up an FHM December 2012 International Edition containing Sena Ayanami as Our Lady of The Apocalypse of the Month. Who knows? There might even be an End-of-Days Clearance Sale in Glorietta when the time comes.
And then I wake up. I'm back in this mundane world. I don't care about when the world will expire, all I care about is how to make an impact while the world is not yet doomed.
The sun is up, but I want more.
Bang.
The Daily Dud
Oh yeah. Char's gonna get it now.
Listening to:
Hatebreed - Destroy Everything
Last watched:
South Park - The List
Make/Break Your Day Quote:
I never apologize. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am. - Homer J. Simpson
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Coming Down The World Turned Over
January the 2nd. Midnight, more or less. An aibo lost a cellphone today, so I'm offering mine for use. It's not like anybody would text me important messages (well, except for beer)! Now, onto pressing matters...
I'll be doing literary stuff again, this time in the form of a one-shot comic book, Nippon style. It's a self-made manga about the everyday life of Vaten and its members. I just got this wack program that does strip panels and comic book effects in a flash, so I thought that would save me some time before the convention starts, and hopefully, I get to drink afterwards for a job well done.
Got to successfully remove a stupid MBR virus from the laptop, which is one of the hardest shit I had to do for a computer. I am also spending an accumulated twelve-hour-a-week stay at my folks' flat just to see how they were doing.
New Year's a bitch. It wasn't that interesting enough, but I do get to have a new New Year's Resolution:
No more New Year's Resolutions. Ever.
That's it for now, better get back to watching the world suffer. I might miss something, so, soré ja.
I'll be doing literary stuff again, this time in the form of a one-shot comic book, Nippon style. It's a self-made manga about the everyday life of Vaten and its members. I just got this wack program that does strip panels and comic book effects in a flash, so I thought that would save me some time before the convention starts, and hopefully, I get to drink afterwards for a job well done.
Got to successfully remove a stupid MBR virus from the laptop, which is one of the hardest shit I had to do for a computer. I am also spending an accumulated twelve-hour-a-week stay at my folks' flat just to see how they were doing.
Aww, what's with the concerned mindset? Where did the "couldn't care less" attitude go?
New Year's a bitch. It wasn't that interesting enough, but I do get to have a new New Year's Resolution:
No more New Year's Resolutions. Ever.
That's it for now, better get back to watching the world suffer. I might miss something, so, soré ja.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Sky Step
Kajiren Hokairi. A pony-tailed kid in his late 20's.
Dreams a lot in his spare time, which is practically whenever he doesn't talk.
Missed blogging, due to activities involving the endless pursuit of trivial facts, much like a kid hooked up with nothing but Wikipedia.
Always uses lines from his favorite songs for his blog titles.
Listens to nothing except rock songs, whether it be Western, Japanese or locally made.
Adores the flame, and everything that it encompasses.
Is also a frustrated musician who almost always forgets to practice the guitar even if it was the last thing on his mind before sleeping.
Loves writing songs whenever he is isolated from his folks, peers, and workmates.
Also has the habit of writing literary works starting from the back page of a notebook, like most East Asians do.
A professional arcade beat-em-up gamer who can't stand buttonmashers.
Has the profound skill of expert-level troubleshooting needed to solve most computer problems.
A frequent call center hopper, wanting to land on the perfect account.
Had been with so many Japanese-themed organizations and other groups that his social life could not afford to entertain them all.
Doesn't know the nutritional importance of food but will eat whenever his stomach needs it, or if beer doesn't taste good without it.
Smokes cigarettes inconsistently, not even
depending on the mood.
Talks in fluent Japanese without him noticing it—when drunk.
Is too old to watch WWE.
Will trample lolicons and the like on sight.
Will stay up late everyday because he loves waiting for the sun to rise.
Has an issue with wanting to operate vehicles—it hinders him from enjoying the view.
Will almost always try to find the Big Dipper everyday during the last months of the year.
May always wallow in self-thought and the past
mistakes that made him lose so many important people in his life while taking a bath.
Never goes home except for the upkeep, but sometimes will do it on a whim.
Questions every supernatural existence in his mind while respecting the different beliefs of society.
Given the gift of humor by Jay Leno and/or Conan O'Brien and often uses it in a tackless manner.
Addicted to the Hong Kong-style martial arts movement interlaced with a generous helping of Japanese influence.
Has the tendency to blurt out satirical and sarcastic comments of anything that may or may not exist at any given time.
May do anything to love, but may also occasionally fail at it because of procrastination and hesitation.
Is always willing to try out new things or revisit the long forgotten.
This is Kajiren Hokairi, a pony-tailed kid in his late 20's. Welcome to my blog.
Dreams a lot in his spare time, which is practically whenever he doesn't talk.
Missed blogging, due to activities involving the endless pursuit of trivial facts, much like a kid hooked up with nothing but Wikipedia.
Always uses lines from his favorite songs for his blog titles.
Listens to nothing except rock songs, whether it be Western, Japanese or locally made.
Adores the flame, and everything that it encompasses.
Is also a frustrated musician who almost always forgets to practice the guitar even if it was the last thing on his mind before sleeping.
Loves writing songs whenever he is isolated from his folks, peers, and workmates.
Also has the habit of writing literary works starting from the back page of a notebook, like most East Asians do.
A professional arcade beat-em-up gamer who can't stand buttonmashers.
Has the profound skill of expert-level troubleshooting needed to solve most computer problems.
A frequent call center hopper, wanting to land on the perfect account.
Had been with so many Japanese-themed organizations and other groups that his social life could not afford to entertain them all.
Doesn't know the nutritional importance of food but will eat whenever his stomach needs it, or if beer doesn't taste good without it.
Smokes cigarettes inconsistently, not even
depending on the mood.
Talks in fluent Japanese without him noticing it—when drunk.
Is too old to watch WWE.
Will trample lolicons and the like on sight.
Will stay up late everyday because he loves waiting for the sun to rise.
Has an issue with wanting to operate vehicles—it hinders him from enjoying the view.
Will almost always try to find the Big Dipper everyday during the last months of the year.
May always wallow in self-thought and the past
mistakes that made him lose so many important people in his life while taking a bath.
Never goes home except for the upkeep, but sometimes will do it on a whim.
Questions every supernatural existence in his mind while respecting the different beliefs of society.
Given the gift of humor by Jay Leno and/or Conan O'Brien and often uses it in a tackless manner.
Addicted to the Hong Kong-style martial arts movement interlaced with a generous helping of Japanese influence.
Has the tendency to blurt out satirical and sarcastic comments of anything that may or may not exist at any given time.
May do anything to love, but may also occasionally fail at it because of procrastination and hesitation.
Is always willing to try out new things or revisit the long forgotten.
This is Kajiren Hokairi, a pony-tailed kid in his late 20's. Welcome to my blog.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
A Call to Arms
Okay. From the looks of it, everybody's acting livelier today. Hah. Holidays.
So, let's go do what the Romans do. I'm gonna give this another shot. Outside life, that is. I'm stuck for the moment inside my own comfort zone, so hand me that sledgehammer and let's start breaking some walls, shall we? I wish I had some sort of mp3 player with me...
The notebook computer's not that portable enough. Even without it, I'll try writing better songs as soon as i get a little inspired (inebriated) later on. Now, off to find a good acoustic bar.
Got this pretty good line from one of Urbandub's songs. It's one of those better lyrics they had written.
"Witness to a city that never sleeps, where sins are made then buried. It doesn't matter how deep or hidden, it's always, always there."
I kinda missed the city lights anyway.
LSS, aibo.
So, let's go do what the Romans do. I'm gonna give this another shot. Outside life, that is. I'm stuck for the moment inside my own comfort zone, so hand me that sledgehammer and let's start breaking some walls, shall we? I wish I had some sort of mp3 player with me...
The notebook computer's not that portable enough. Even without it, I'll try writing better songs as soon as i get a little inspired (inebriated) later on. Now, off to find a good acoustic bar.
Got this pretty good line from one of Urbandub's songs. It's one of those better lyrics they had written.
"Witness to a city that never sleeps, where sins are made then buried. It doesn't matter how deep or hidden, it's always, always there."
I kinda missed the city lights anyway.
LSS, aibo.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Itsudemo Kimi no Egao ni Yurette
Kajiren online. Hadn't got much sleep today, was helping people with their schoolwork. It doesn't look like the everyday Kaji that just accepts chores like this, but in some redeeming kind of way, helping other people achieve something also helps me lighten up my own hidden burdens as well. It's as if there was an older relative of mine is scolding me to do things that really don't concern me, much less benefit me in any manner whatsoever.
I love being of use to people, but I don't get any great feel of satisfaction from it, to be honest. It just basically keeps me from thinking of depressing stuff that I really don't talk about in person. Anything that would keep me busy will attract my attention, just as long as I don't get involved with those matters too much. Like I said before, sticking with a thought too long will consume your brain cells. The reality is, I'm trying to get away from it by suppressing my emotions for the past two and a half years, but every week, I feel like I'm deteriorating from inside out. It's not like I don't have the guts to tell anyone about it, but I believe almost everybody knows about it anyway. If I could have my mind wiped clean off the slate, I'd be more than welcome to let them experiment with my brain and stuff. But alas, it will never work that way.
I remember the last hours of Frodo inside The Shire. He says to Sam that his memories will never walk away. It's the same case. Forgetting is easy with discipline, and I've already tried for oh so long. But if those memories are ingrained, embedded in your environment, then there's really nothing you can do about it. No matter where you go, they stay with you. It only gets worse when you try to avoid it. It's already gone, and it's not coming back.
Family and friends will always be there, but everybody always has something else more important in their lives. They may end up staying with you where you can fight to be happy, or you can find out sooner or later that you'd have to deal with them being just memories, and you can only remember them more vaguely than after waking up five minutes after a dream. You'd realize that once upon a time, everything fit. The missing piece just doesn't complete the picture anymore.
It's been a while. I have to get busy... again.
I love being of use to people, but I don't get any great feel of satisfaction from it, to be honest. It just basically keeps me from thinking of depressing stuff that I really don't talk about in person. Anything that would keep me busy will attract my attention, just as long as I don't get involved with those matters too much. Like I said before, sticking with a thought too long will consume your brain cells. The reality is, I'm trying to get away from it by suppressing my emotions for the past two and a half years, but every week, I feel like I'm deteriorating from inside out. It's not like I don't have the guts to tell anyone about it, but I believe almost everybody knows about it anyway. If I could have my mind wiped clean off the slate, I'd be more than welcome to let them experiment with my brain and stuff. But alas, it will never work that way.
I remember the last hours of Frodo inside The Shire. He says to Sam that his memories will never walk away. It's the same case. Forgetting is easy with discipline, and I've already tried for oh so long. But if those memories are ingrained, embedded in your environment, then there's really nothing you can do about it. No matter where you go, they stay with you. It only gets worse when you try to avoid it. It's already gone, and it's not coming back.
Family and friends will always be there, but everybody always has something else more important in their lives. They may end up staying with you where you can fight to be happy, or you can find out sooner or later that you'd have to deal with them being just memories, and you can only remember them more vaguely than after waking up five minutes after a dream. You'd realize that once upon a time, everything fit. The missing piece just doesn't complete the picture anymore.
It's been a while. I have to get busy... again.
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