Sky Step

Kajiren Hokairi. A pony-tailed kid in his late 20's.

Dreams a lot in his spare time, which is practically whenever he doesn't talk.

Missed blogging, due to activities involving the endless pursuit of trivial facts, much like a kid hooked up with nothing but Wikipedia.

Always uses lines from his favorite songs for his blog titles.

Listens to nothing except rock songs, whether it be Western, Japanese or locally made.

Adores the flame, and everything that it encompasses.

Is also a frustrated musician who almost always forgets to practice the guitar even if it was the last thing on his mind before sleeping.

Loves writing songs whenever he is isolated from his folks, peers, and workmates.

Also has the habit of writing literary works starting from the back page of a notebook, like most East Asians do.

A professional arcade beat-em-up gamer who can't stand buttonmashers.

Has the profound skill of expert-level troubleshooting needed to solve most computer problems.

A frequent call center hopper, wanting to land on the perfect account.

Had been with so many Japanese-themed organizations and other groups that his social life could not afford to entertain them all.

Doesn't know the nutritional importance of food but will eat whenever his stomach needs it, or if beer doesn't taste good without it.

Smokes cigarettes inconsistently, not even
depending on the mood.

Talks in fluent Japanese without him noticing it—when drunk.

Is too old to watch WWE.

Will trample lolicons and the like on sight.

Will stay up late everyday because he loves waiting for the sun to rise.

Has an issue with wanting to operate vehicles—it hinders him from enjoying the view.

Will almost always try to find the Big Dipper everyday during the last months of the year.

May always wallow in self-thought and the past
mistakes that made him lose so many important people in his life while taking a bath.

Never goes home except for the upkeep, but sometimes will do it on a whim.

Questions every supernatural existence in his mind while respecting the different beliefs of society.

Given the gift of humor by Jay Leno and/or Conan O'Brien and often uses it in a tackless manner.

Addicted to the Hong Kong-style martial arts movement interlaced with a generous helping of Japanese influence.

Has the tendency to blurt out satirical and sarcastic comments of anything that may or may not exist at any given time.

May do anything to love, but may also occasionally fail at it because of procrastination and hesitation.

Is always willing to try out new things or revisit the long forgotten.

This is Kajiren Hokairi, a pony-tailed kid in his late 20's. Welcome to my blog.

A Call to Arms

Okay. From the looks of it, everybody's acting livelier today. Hah. Holidays.

So, let's go do what the Romans do. I'm gonna give this another shot. Outside life, that is. I'm stuck for the moment inside my own comfort zone, so hand me that sledgehammer and let's start breaking some walls, shall we? I wish I had some sort of mp3 player with me...

The notebook computer's not that portable enough. Even without it, I'll try writing better songs as soon as i get a little inspired (inebriated) later on. Now, off to find a good acoustic bar.

Got this pretty good line from one of Urbandub's songs. It's one of those better lyrics they had written.

"Witness to a city that never sleeps, where sins are made then buried. It doesn't matter how deep or hidden, it's always, always there."

I kinda missed the city lights anyway.

LSS, aibo.

Itsudemo Kimi no Egao ni Yurette

Kajiren online. Hadn't got much sleep today, was helping people with their schoolwork. It doesn't look like the everyday Kaji that just accepts chores like this, but in some redeeming kind of way, helping other people achieve something also helps me lighten up my own hidden burdens as well. It's as if there was an older relative of mine is scolding me to do things that really don't concern me, much less benefit me in any manner whatsoever.

I love being of use to people, but I don't get any great feel of satisfaction from it, to be honest. It just basically keeps me from thinking of depressing stuff that I really don't talk about in person. Anything that would keep me busy will attract my attention, just as long as I don't get involved with those matters too much. Like I said before, sticking with a thought too long will consume your brain cells. The reality is, I'm trying to get away from it by suppressing my emotions for the past two and a half years, but every week, I feel like I'm deteriorating from inside out. It's not like I don't have the guts to tell anyone about it, but I believe almost everybody knows about it anyway. If I could have my mind wiped clean off the slate, I'd be more than welcome to let them experiment with my brain and stuff. But alas, it will never work that way.

I remember the last hours of Frodo inside The Shire. He says to Sam that his memories will never walk away. It's the same case. Forgetting is easy with discipline, and I've already tried for oh so long. But if those memories are ingrained, embedded in your environment, then there's really nothing you can do about it. No matter where you go, they stay with you. It only gets worse when you try to avoid it. It's already gone, and it's not coming back.

Family and friends will always be there, but everybody always has something else more important in their lives. They may end up staying with you where you can fight to be happy, or you can find out sooner or later that you'd have to deal with them being just memories, and you can only remember them more vaguely than after waking up five minutes after a dream. You'd realize that once upon a time, everything fit. The missing piece just doesn't complete the picture anymore.

It's been a while. I have to get busy... again.

And I'm A Little Bit Rusty

More time-travelling done today. Had this nice time with a friend from way back at some mall I used to frequent when I was a kid, and all I remembered about her was her name. It was the first time in ages that I had enjoyed the simple things like strolling and stuff. Got to at least buy my mom some snacks, which is really way off my attitude meter for the family. I can now converse with my big brother with ease, and had time off with my childhood friends residing here as well. It's weird how time flies by, as one of them mentioned how technology had just changed within five years. All the while, my worries were about what to do in the next couple o'years, planning and staging alone about how to do all of these step by step. I guess time already caught up with me too.

Memories came rushing back to my head. High school stuff, 90's music, how short my hair was, dreams that were supposed to be fulfilled by this time, church life, every single damn thing. It's now making me think all over again.

"It's 3 am, I must be...", for some reason why, I can't continue what Rob Thomas said after that. It didn't seem like it, yet, circumstances aside, reality bites, the rain's gonna wash it away anyway. Is happiness really a mat that sits on that doorway? I'm letting myself rant about something that is not supposed to exist in my head.

And then, I heard a pretty familiar tune on Youtube. The song was supposed to be filled with angst, but it was made into a lively, happy song. The song I heard was from Matchbox 20, entitled Push. The usual melody was downtrodden, sad. But this one that they performed live, it had a Southern, Texan feel to it. It was played with a very happy and upbeat feel to it, contradicting how it usually sounds. I mean, wow. That's weird. It made me smile. It somehow changed how I saw things.

I learned from those five minutes of watching random stuff. And it helped. Even though the world shows you a mean face, you can always interpret the world in a different light so you won't be bothered by all that and continue with trying to find that smile you deserve. And hell, it felt good.

The Seventh Day Fall

Oktoberfest's going out the door. A lost job opportunity concerning old-school workmates. Twenty-six songs from May past, without a melody still. Taikutsu.