Hero

Back in the day, I used to take long walks to certain places in a flip of a coin. Heads meant strolling back to memory lane, mostly to the capital, tails for random wandering. More often than not, I find myself lost after a couple of hours. I didn't have to worry about going home; I always knew my way to places. I was lost in a sense that I was not found, nor was in the process of being retrieved. I was nonexistent. I was treated as a specter, a wisp, an apparition; Everybody knows of my existence, some even acknowledge it, but, I am not seen nor heard. Not that I really cared about the idea before, but then again, I chose to drift, floating like a fallen leaf on a river. I didn't want to be bothered, I didn't want to be found.

I believed that there was no healing process for somebody who chose to not feel. There was no pain felt to begin with. Or maybe what had happened was that instead of a release, an emotional lock-down occurred, restraining any chance of either good or bad outcomes to happen. There was no happiness nor sadness to be understood. Hence, The Drifting Flame.

Although, memories are just memories. And from what I might have learned from those small tours through the years, being hollow to the world does have its benefits. I learned how to be unbiased. I learned how to tell people how to see what benefits both parties more while pointing out their mistakes without causing more damage. I learned how to be more tolerant with people who only has words as weapons, although sticks and stones will still do more to me. I learned why people do the things they do, but I would not tell them if it would not be necessary to say so.

I can't say I am indebted to a certain someone or something for this trait I possess, since nobody really showed me how to be me. I did not have any role models, no Supermen nor Batmen. But, I do know I want to be selfless. I want to save people, but be forgotten after the deed. I want to disappear just like the wind, I want to be needed but people would have no control over when I would appear and how.

But of course, I am also human. Even after all that I had been through, I would always want to reserve a little bit of something for people who want me to stay. I can never say that they are mine, but as far as I see it, I am and always will be theirs, be it family, friends, or a loved one. The things I do might not be very understandable for the most of the world, but what I can do is struggle with the strength I have been given, and if possible, make miracles happen, so that by the time I really do come home, physically and mentally, I will have become somebody they can be proud of...

A hero, even just for one day.